can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
