She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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