birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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