but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
