before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
