he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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