Hey man sorry I got all grabby
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i drank out of a bidet.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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