I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
