Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
