no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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