if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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