I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
