So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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