Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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