You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
