im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
