Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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