You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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