the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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