Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Success! We fucked roommates!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
