Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
