yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
