i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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