Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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