Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Your penis caused this!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
