Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
