Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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