I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
