do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
