I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
