I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
