Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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