dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
