He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize