also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
