hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
