Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
