Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
