who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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