I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
And then he peed in my hair
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