That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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