just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
