Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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