an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
