so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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