just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
