I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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