yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
