I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
