Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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