dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
