well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
