Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
