Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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