dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
