12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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