I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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