i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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