Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
