mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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