We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
