2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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