But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My dick has a subreddit
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
