Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
