who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
