i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
These tits shall not be calmed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
