if you like me you must not know who I am
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
