u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
